El Dorado Healthy Marriages Coalition

Loving relationships and a lower divorce rate

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Marriage Quiz
 
No marriage is perfect, just as we are not perfect. We all have room for personal improvement. So do our marriages. Marriage education is way to give our marriages a refresher -- making our marriages fresher. Marriage is a place where we truly live for another person.
 
 

 Marriage Indicators
John Gottman, Ph.D. has developed indicators of why marriages succeed or fail. The "rule of five" is:
 
It takes five positive interactions to counteract the damage of one  negative interaction, such as blame or criticism.

There are many ways to show positivity according to Gottman. They include:
showing interest, being affectionate, showing you care, being appreciative, showing concern, being empathetic and being accepting.

While the balance between negativity and positivity seems to be one of the main factors in a successful marriage, there are also four predictors for
failure: criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling, or the complete cutoff of the other person.
 
 
 

 Marriage Quiz
TAKE THE QUIZ: IS THERE ENOUGH LOVE AND RESPECT IN YOUR MARRIAGE?

The following quiz developed by John Gottman and adapted by Mary Ellen Connett, is to be taken by you and your spouse. Answer "yes" or "no" to each statement based on whether you mostly agree or disagree.

1. My spouse seeks out my opinions.
2. My spouse cares about my feelings.
3. We are affectionate toward one another.
4. We listen to each other.
5. What I say counts.
6. I love spending time with my partner.
7. We are very good friends.
8. My spouse finds me physically attractive.
9. I feel included in my partner's life.
10. We touch each other a lot.
11. We respect each other's ideas.
12. Even during tough times we can be empathetic.

Scoring: If you checked "yes" to fewer than 4 items, then you may not feel enough love and respect in your marriage and you may want to seek a check up.

Professionals point out that the average couple waits six years before seeking help for marital problems; so they often live with unhappiness for far too long.

Connett says marital relationships can definitely improve. She likens it to an illness; if the problems are ignored, they will get worse. If both partners are committed, they can work towards changing their relationship for the better.